Wednesday, April 28, 2010

day in day out

Have you ever felt like your life was on a treadmill? I'm sure most of us have at some point. Most days I get the feeling that my parents sold me on crap dream. Betting against life sort of like Goldman Sachs. Hedging their bets, figuring if the kid makes it GREAT, but let's not get his hopes up.
I mean what kind of life is it where you get up, go to work doing the daily corporate grind for 9 to 10 hours, come home, and get to spend only 3 maybe 4 hours doing what you REALLY want to do? this is the American dream? I don't think so.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all about hard work, hard work doesn't bother me. I remember days (back in my youth) where I'd come home from working in the factory, dog tired, physically spent, and damn proud of the work I'd accomplished. Those were rewarding and good days, the grind didn't seem to be so overbearing. Of course, that was in my youth.
Now, I'm 39 years old going on 60 it seems. Corporate life is so much different. Too much politics, too many snakes in the grass. We've all heard the line from Wall Street, we all know Gordon Gecko's mantra; "Greed is good, greed is right." But I don't think we should be going around the office, screwing people over just because we can.
I remember not too long ago I seen the absolute perfect example of office politics. My "manager" (we'll call her G) was talking with me and a supervisor about the upcoming promotions. G had assured me a spot and I felt I'd earned it. The other supervisor and her were talking in front of my cube about this person and that person, people that were interviewing for the same position. People they'd worked with for years. They had just finished laughing (yes laughing) about this one person who had applied and how ridiculous it was that they had even thought to be considered when lo and behold up walks that person (just finished with their interview). Man the the change that took place! suddenly it went from how horrible this person was to "HIGH, how you doing? So glad to see you!" Literally people these vipers hugged the poor woman they'd just got done trashing...HUGS!!!!
That scared the crap out of me! I thought; "what the hell are they saying about me behind my back?" You can't see something like that and not suddenly feel pretty damn paranoid.
I got the job, but I spent the next 9 months looking over my back. It was worse than being in a prison yard. You never know where that shank is coming from so you do your best to make sure there's plenty of open space between you and everyone else, so you can see them coming.
In the end, I couldn't take the politics. I blew up, freaked out, went all "Jerry Mcguire" on the corporate bastards. I couldn't get past the idea that Managers and Supervisors are supposed to be there to PROTECT the workers, not figure out new and inventive ways to screw them over.
Now here I sit, chasing a dream at the ripe age of 39. Everyone I've ever known has said that in the end I should be a storyteller and I figure they're right. I should be, hell I'm alot better at that than I am at anything else.
So, what's my point? My point is this- I figure I might not make it as a writer, but I'm going to give it one hell of a try. I jumped off the treadmill, said; "bye bye" to the day in day out BS. I think we're inherently supposed to be creative people, I just think somewhere, somehow, we got lost. I GOT LOST!! I pray I've found my path again.. I certainly do.

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